Growing up, I didn’t always feel like stability and order were mine to have. For years, I created stability and order for myself, by painstakingly taking care of myself.
But sometimes, my need for stability held me back.
For example, when I figured out that what I wanted to do professionally was coach women to heal their work lives. What a strange and seemingly unlucrative profession!
My choice of profession took me for a tailspin. I didn’t feel like I had the resources or gumption to become self-employed and forego a regular paycheck. I was very scared.
Thankfully, I had great mentors who taught me how to create stability even when taking a risk.
I finally took a risk after:
- Saving $$ for my career transition
- Setting up systems in my day that give me a sense of order
- Creating a plan B, plan C, and plan Z
- Interviewing people who have gone through this transition, so I could learn what they did
It’s important for me to share this story with you because I know that healing your work life does take a certain amount of *risk* and *growth*. There are things about it which are uncomfortable and take you out of your comfort zone.
What steps do you take in order to continually take yourself outside of your comfort zone so you can grow?
I hear from a lot of women about their dreams of making more money and working fewer hours.
But when it comes to making their preferences known to their bosses, clients, and spouses – they balk.
After getting a bunch of new responsibilities at work, they feel embarrassed to ask their boss for a raise.
They feel awkward asking their clients to pay them a fair wage for their work.
And they feel weird about asking their spouses to cook and do the dishes every day.
With all that, it’s no wonder that they are working so hard for so little money. They are doing other people’s jobs for them (the boss’s job, the client’s job, the spouse’s job) without getting payment or relief.
I wanted to post this as a reminder that when we feel anxious and overwhelmed, we can ask for the support we need to thrive. We can give our community a chance to give us the resources we need to make that freedom of “more money and less work” possible.
Your thoughts on this idea are welcome -- and if you've had bad experiences asking for support, please chime in.
“I get harassed at work too, but I can handle it.”
This is what I was told by a boss when I tried to report an abusive coworker. The contrast seemed obvious. The boss could handle the harassment, *unlike me.*
Throughout my years in the workplace, I was told again and again that I should be able to “handle” unrelenting long hours, harassment, and a pervading sense that my job was pointless.
After all, I was getting a paycheck. And no one likes a whiny millennial who wants special treatment at work!
I believed it.
I thought that I should buck up and learn to "take it" like the rest of my coworkers.
I no longer believe it. In fact, I no longer believe I have to handle anything that makes me miserable.
In the past few years, I learned that there are a million types of workplaces, and a million ways to make money and support yourself. And that the work life we want for ourselves is possible and in reach.
My clients and I are examples for what it possible in terms of a fulfilling work life. My recent client undid years of unhelpful behavior and set up boundaries with herself and her family so she could stay engaged throughout the workday. (No phone scrolling during the workday, no political talk from family, no fretting about her partner's job when she should be doing her own work, etc. etc.).
Another recent client changed her career path completely and even moved to a different country in order to be able to achieve a fulfilling work-life after years of feeling utterly exhausted.
My clients made these changes not over years, but over a few months.
I want every woman to have the option to create a fulfilling work-life.
It's time to say yes to healing your work life now, and I can help you to make that change through my 3 month coaching program.
If you’ve been depressed and hopeless about your work-life for far too long, you're not alone.
I secretly love reading the reddit group r/relationships for people’s relationship drama.
The other day, I read a story about a middle-aged guy who feels like he didn’t accomplish anything in life and is bummed about it.
For some reason, this lead him to think that he should leave his wife and/or have an affair.
This story made me really sad.
I hear from so many people who fear that they are not making a difference, and that their life’s work “has amounted to nothing.”
I used to feel that way myself. I hope that most of those people don’t think an affair is a solution to their problems! :P
I wondered what if, instead of fixating on an affair, this guy acknowledged his desire to make a difference in the world? To have a meaningful life? What would happen then?
I do think there is a lot of fear and worry about acknowledging our desire for meaning in our lives.
Would love to hear your thoughts:
💥 Do you acknowledge your own desire for meaning and accomplishment?
💥 What thoughts and feelings come up when you acknowledge what you want to accomplish during your lifetime?
All thoughts welcome.
I used to give my power away all the time. As a new employee, I had a senior member of my team constantly take hours of my time every day for pointless "meetings," leaving me no time to actually do my job.
I was exhausted and frustrated, yet when I talked about my frustrations to my coach, I said "it's fine that my team member hijacks my time -- this is what she's used to. But I'll just tell her that it doesn't work *for me.*"
I said "it's fine" maybe 100 times. :P
My coach asked me, "when you say 'it's fine,' how are you giving away your power?"
He was right. Even though I was getting ready to confront my team member, I was still minimizing my power and shrinking away by excusing her actions.
My coach helped me become way sassier to my team member than I was planning to, and I successfully got her off my back with no repercussions for my job. Woooot.
Let me know if you want to hear what I ended up saying to her. Mwahaha.
So I ask again, how are you giving away your power at work? And what are you going to do about it?
Did you know there are a million ways to build a fulfilling, rewarding work life?
There is no “one right way” to do it, and it really depends on how you operate.
Example: For years, I racked my brain about why I didn’t enjoy my work in any way.
I worked in advertising, and I felt so lazy compared to my colleagues, who could work late nights without getting bored or frustrated.
I felt exhausted working 9 am – 6 pm every day. After my hour-plus commute every day, I couldn’t function!
Hearing about my colleagues going to concerts after work (or even cooking themselves dinner after work) made me feel like they were heroes. I was passed out on the couch watching Law & Order every night.
These days, I accept that I simply can’t work a lot of hours every day. That I don’t function “like that.” That I need my down time in order to be productive.
And I’ve built my work life around this fact.
(And if you think "no one WANTS to operate like that, but life is tough, so just keep working" you're wrong. Some people actually love working for hours and hours and hours.)
There is so much advice out there about what you “need to do” to create a rewarding career. This can make it hard to stand in your power and remember that you can succeed in your way, based on your personality and preferences.
Today, I wanted to take a stand for accepting who we are at our core and building a productive work life based on that.
My mom is someone who does everything by herself. She runs a nursery out of her home, and raised 4 kids (my siblings and I) in the same home. She cleans the entire house herself and makes food for her family and the kids in her nursery.
Growing up with my mom, I felt so guilty for not having the “Energizer Bunny” energy to work and cook and clean all day.
In recent years, I learned that since I live in *society*, I can have other people do tasks for me so I can focus on my work.
I realized that I’m not built like my mom and use my energy differently.
And that there’s no moral superiority to doing everything yourself if it makes you miserable.
Are you a DIY-er or do you outsource tasks that make you miserable?
If you are miserable and still doing things yourself, why?
I want you to have a pleasurable career. I want you to get up every day and enjoy your work, feel like you’re toiling away like a little elf, and then go home and relax.
I don’t want you to be yelled at by clients, be low-balled by your bosses, or feel stressed about an inbox with thousands of emails. I don’t want that horrible stress for you.
BUUUUUT I also want to say: stress is not why you’re unhappy at your job.
I repeat, stress is not why you’re unhappy at your job.
*Gasp* But isn’t stress the root of all evil? Aren’t you supposed to de-stress by doing 100 meditations throughout the day and smell lavender so that you don’t flip out on your asshole colleague in the breakroom?
When we make it our goal to have a “stress-free and enjoyable workday”, we’re missing out on a big piece of what makes humans tick:
When your life is “smooth” and “enjoyable” but lacks purpose, ennui sets in.
I always think of it this way – if I was relaxing under a million soft blankets, watching all the TV I wanted, with lots of money and no job in sight – at some point I’d get bored and want to do something. (It might take a few weeks, but still.)
All the comfort in the world does not happiness make. That’s why trust-fund kids are always creating companies and philanthropy projects even though they don’t have to.
If you tackle your work problems simply by minimizing stress, you might be more comfortable, but you won’t be happy.
Instead, consider these two types of stress:
If you are dealing with assholes and tight deadlines all day on a project that doesn’t feel aligned with your life purpose, that is sad stress. It’s stress that is compounded by the fact that you technically have no reason to be in this stressful situation, except you need to pay your bills.
If you are working toward a purposeful career (even if your career goal is 5-10-20 years away), stress is recontextualized as a purposeful obstacle to go through, like you’re on a cool obstacle course. This is beneficial stress.
It is true that people take on waaay more stress than they need to. It’s true that self-care and boundaries in the workplace are essential.
But please don’t neglect your life purpose. Please don’t settle for a career that is “not stressful” and that’s about it.
Knowing the answers to these questions will make every workday more fulfilling, no essential oils or chanting required.
As I was gearing up for my recent challenge "Reclaim Your Power At Work" I did some reflecting on my work history in an illuminating session with baller coach Chelsea Quint.
That conversation reaffirmed how much I have given NO FUCKS about rules in my 15+ years of employment, and how much I want to encourage women to do the same.
Maybe it's because I'm an immigrant; maybe it's because my parents grew up in a kibbutz (commune) and didn't work for $; maybe it's because my grandparents were refugees and Holocaust survivors and their "professional success" was wiped away when their livelihoods and lives were taken from them -- who knows.
But my background has led me to completely **throw the rule book out the window** while succeeding at work and feeling like a badass kween.
I know that to achieve professional fulfillment:
**You don't need to suck up to supervisors for recommendations.
**You don't need to apply to lots of jobs.
**You don't need to work long hours to "prove yourself."
**You don't need to change your "problematic" personality.
**You don't need to be nice. In fact, you can be a biiiiitch.
**You don't need to be "productive."
You can really be whatever you want to be and still meet your profesh goals!
And that's what I help my clients to do. I'm not going to teach you how to gain power by accommodating yourself to the workplace. In fact, I will teach you how to make the workplace accommodate to YOU.
💪 💪 💪 💪
Do you have a boss / client / coworker who pisses you off?
Can you not stop thinking about them and how angry they make you?
I wanted to share my favorite way for dealing with a person who makes me angry, and it may seem counterintuitive.
I do a quick meditation focusing on the person's:
It may feel difficult to imagine this annoying person as "whole" and "resourceful," but try it out. What is possible when you notice these qualities in the person?
For me, I find that this meditation helps me disengage from "fixing" other people.
While I may still confront them about their behaviors, I am less attached to the outcome. I am also less focused on my ego, and on thinking that I know the "right way" this person should behave.
What does this bring up for you?
PS If you are ready to reclaim your power a work in a big way, click here to join me for a 5-day free online challenge "Reclaim Your Power at Work" starting on October 16, noon EST.