Tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I know the title of this post is a Spice Girls reference, but the situation I'd like to talk about today is when you can't figure out what you want, when you have no idea if you want to "zig a zig ah"!

As you may know if you follow my writing, I have been talking nonstop about how to assess what you need using this universal list of needs. I talk a lot about honoring your emotional needs instead of pushing them away. 

However, what are you supposed to do when two needs bump up against each other and seem irreconcilable? For example, what if you are desperately yearning for self-expression, through your love of singing, but you also reeeeally care about security, in the form of $$$? Perhaps singing has not been lucrative for you financially, so how are you supposed to reconcile those two needs???

When you have two different needs that fight for your attention, it can feel less like the Spice Girls and more like Brandi and Monica fighting over their boy! (Yes, I grew up in the '90s.) These two needs are fighting over who you will choose, and you have no idea who you should listen to.

It may seem tempting to say "I don't need security. I'm just gonna go out there and be a singer! Who cares if I'm broke?" It may also be tempting to say "singing is not realistic. I care about security, so I'm going to let go of self-expression."

But in the long run, your old friends Security or Self-Expression will come running back and demanding answers, Brandi and Monica style. You cannot escape.

Instead, try giving space to your different needs, and staying curious about them. Act as if they are your children. Give each of them the attention they deserve.

I actually speak to my needs. I ask them, "Security, if I get a promotion this year, would you feel comfortable with me spending $ on some singing lessons?"

"Self-Expression, how would you feel about me singing every month at a choir? Is that enough singing for you for now?"

Other needs may chime in. For example, Ease, who may say," Please don't add this choir thing to your schedule. You need to rest!!"

You get the picture.

But through an open dialogue, you will often be able to negotiate with and find compromises between different needs. This will enable you to prioritize different needs more easily. Often, this dialogue will also spark creativity in you, coming up with ingenious solutions to meet your needs.

So keep up the conversation, and most importantly, take all of your needs seriously. They are not going away.

​<3 <3