Are you feeling totally "off," but having a hard time understanding what you're yearning for? Are you thinking "I have no idea why I feel so sad or strange right now, so I have no idea how to make it better"? Here are 2 strategies you can use to figure out and honor what you need.
1. At this moment, assess your need using this list of universal needs. You may feel uncomfortable with or unsure of the need you picked. Notice your self-judgement. You may be saying things like this to yourself: "I need love, but I don't deserve it because I'm an unloveable person." "Yeah, I need belonging, but in my life, I have never felt like I belonged, so meeting this need is just not in the cards for me."
Even if you have never known what it's like to fulfill a need like "belonging" or "love," and even if you feel like you don't deserve to have this need fulfilled, sit with your desire. Admit to yourself that despite your past or your views of yourself, you want this. Breathe and take in your desire.
2. Grieve the fact that your need hasn't been met yet. This is a step many people overlook. Do you need safety at this moment, but you don't feel safe? That is an upsetting reality. Have you, in fact, never felt safe? That is a tragedy. Let yourself grieve this reality, and have compassion for yourself. Ask yourself "how would I feel if this need was never fulfilled?" This will embolden your desire and remind you why you want this, and why it's important to you to meet this need. Be gentle with yourself during this step.
These two strategies can help us admit to ourselves that we are human, and part of being human is having emotional needs! Slowing down and sitting with our desire and grief helps us connect with and believe our emotions. This is the first step toward meeting the need. Don't skip it!
Are you feeling more "at home" with your needs? What else is coming up for you? Feel free to reach out in the comments. <3
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