Preparing to spend time with a person you don't like

I have always been super sensitive, which means that when people rub me the wrong way, I really feel it. And many times, the Disliked Person has done nothing wrong and is just being themselves.

Other times, I have disliked people for reasons that actually make sense, but my feelings feel too intense and wild. Many of my coaching clients are similar to me. On the one hand, they want to be liked, and to smooth over awkward situations with a Disliked Person. On the other hand, they have "out-there" feelings, and worry about going apeshit on a Disliked Person and embarrassing themselves. 

With that in mind, how can we get through a tough conversation (or even small talk, let's be honest) with a person we simply dislike, while keeping our dignity and self-esteem intact?

Step one: Explore these counterintuitive viewpoints. When you are away from the Disliked Person, in a safe space, close your eyes and focus on the following five viewpoints about the Disliked. This may seem impossible at first, but try it, and see what opens up.

1. The Disliked Person is whole. Your annoying coworker Ashley's is not a pathological, "wrong" person in need of improvement. She is whole as she is.
2. There is more to the Disliked Person than you know.  Ponder Annoying Ashley doing something unexpected when she is away from you. You don't know the whole her.
3. The Disliked Person doesn't need your help. All people are resourceful, and can find solutions to their problems in their own way. The Disliked Person doesn't need you to save them. I repeat, the Disliked Person does not need you to save them.
4. The Disliked Person is free to make their own choices. Ashley freely chooses how she reacts to you and others. She doesn't "have to" act a certain way toward you, as much as you want her to. 
5. Possibility is limitless. You do not know what the future holds for Ashley. All is possible.

This helps distance yourself from trying to control the Disliked Person. Dislike often masks a disappointment that other people are not like you and that you cannot control their behavior. 

Part two: Self-love.
Are you going to spend a lot of time with the Disliked Person soon? (Going home for the holidays? Hehe.) Prepare yourself by practicing self-love. When you are alone, in a safe space, close your eyes and remember how much you love yourself and how much you want to protect yourself. Name three things you love about yourself. Imagine yourself filled with light.

This helps especially if you feel judged by the Disliked Person, and that you just want them to like you. When you focus on liking yourself, and protecting yourself, this focus on what the Disliked Person is thinking melts away. Then you can focus on the most important person in your life: you! Duh.

Good luck dealing with people who chew loudly, yell a lot for no reason, and capitalize Random Words in sentences (see what I did there?). 

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